Every once in a while, I catch myself fantasizing about the future day when I “finally have my act together.” I imagine I will routinely practice daily meditation, write every day, read consistently, exercise regularly, only eat whole and “good for me” food, live at peace with those around me, and generally have a harmonious life.
You can stop laughing now. I recognize it’s a fantasy.
I’ve tried in the past to change it all in one fell swoop. The fantasy is that if I overhaul everything, it will mean a total transformation and I’ll finally live my thriving life. Even now that I know better, the temptation is there to commit to new routines to develop improved habits that will lead to personal evolution.
The Total Transformation Myth
Our society pushes the notion that if we just set the goals, the change will come. If we just write out the new schedule, we will transform. If we just identify the areas of growth, we will become a new person. If only it were that simple.
We don’t generally act like that. Sure, we sometimes have major life shifts—like moves that force us to start over. Sometimes we use that as a catalyst to start something new or adopt new patterns. But most people struggle to make lasting changes. The old way of life comes tumbling back to knock us off the new course.
So why are some able to make those shifts while the rest of us struggle?
The Identity-First Approach to Change
The reason some people make those life-altering shifts is because they change their mindset about their identity. There’s something that shifts who they see themselves to be. They change their patterns to fit the new self-concept.
Consider these examples:
- The recovering alcoholic drives home a way that doesn’t pass the liquor store or bar—not because the habit will fix them, but because they are no longer an alcoholic, so that behavior doesn’t fit the new life.
- The flirt who found love no longer crawls from club to club each weekend enticing others to the dance floor with their moves. Not because the flirt needed to change the habits to find love, but because by now being “a person in love,” the club crawl is no longer aligned with their new identity and lifestyle.
- The couch potato who had a health scare uses that fear to adopt a new way of life because they see a different kind of future they want to craft for themselves. Because they are no longer a couch potato, exercise and eating differently are the behaviors of the healthier version.
The new identity drives the new behavior.
Why Most Change Attempts Fail
Most of us don’t have that dramatic life-altering moment that radically transforms our habits, behaviors, patterns, and ideology. Most of us wish for change, want things to be different, hope for an altered future, and plan for a fresh start tomorrow. We never move past the wishing, wanting, hoping, and planning.
We might consider and attempt a new thing, but we are still rooted deeply in our identity. We hoped it would be our former identity, but it often stays the same because we didn’t change our mindset or view of ourselves.
Two Paths to Sustainable Change
So, what do we do? How do we make changes last? How do we find mindfulness? How do we adopt things like daily meditation and “better” living? Where do we find that new identity?
There are two paths:
Path 1: Change Your Identity First
Let’s use something benign. You are now a person who likes to wear wigs. You purchase new ones to change your appearance. You keep them displayed in your bedroom, so it’s an easy choice each day. You read about wigs, you talk with others about them, you join a group—the “Wig-Wearing Women of Westhaven”—and you fully embrace all that wig-wearing involves. You change your identity, which impacts your behaviors.
Path 2: Start with Small Strategic Shifts
The second path is to change the smallest thing that’s an easy step toward the new identity. The small shift is not enough to radically change your life, but it will compound over time to make a difference. So, you begin by wearing a wig in your house for an hour each week. That’s all you do. You can choose to wear it out, you can elect to wear it longer, but you’re just choosing to start by wearing it in the privacy of your own home. It’s low-risk and moving toward the new identity incrementally.
This is the way many of us can successfully change. Most of us do not jump into a full new lifestyle. It’s unfamiliar, it’s uncomfortable, it’s just really hard. The level of effort to completely shift your identity is tremendous. And what’s required to maintain it is what makes it feel impossible.
The Science of Small Changes
Many of us can adopt a “better” lifestyle and hold it together for a while—sometimes for years. But when life gets messy, we often revert to what’s easier and familiar. Ultimately, it does not last.
Sustainable change happens when we make small shifts over and over again. Rachel Hollis says to change only 1%. James Clear gave us Atomic Habits. Brian Keane says, “Show me what you do every day and I will tell you where you will be in a year.” And Stephen Guise wrote about Mini Habits. There are so many who support this idea—smaller changes completed consistently over time truly move the needle toward permanent change.
Strategic Response Over Reactive Transformation
Find one thing that you could just tweak a bit. Just one slight improvement, a little less or a little more, one more time or one less time, just moment-to-moment awareness and shifts. Successful people do not try small shifts in all areas either. They choose one to focus on for a brief time and then move to the next once they have mastered the first.
Practical Example: Email Response Strategy
For instance, if you’re trying to reduce reactive email responses—pause for one breath before hitting send. That’s all. You can respond to whatever you want, however you want… except you take one breath first. It might be harder than it seems. For some, it’s a very hard habit to break, especially if you’re accustomed to rapid-fire responses driven by urgency.
The great part about this one tiny move—it attacks the reactive pattern without disrupting your workflow or making you feel inefficient. One breath. Try it.
Practical Example: Strategic Thinking Time
Perhaps that’s not your challenge, but finding time for strategic thinking is a struggle. So, ask yourself one strategic question during your commute or morning coffee. This is not a 2-hour planning session or a formal retreat. This is one single question: “What’s the most important outcome I need to achieve today?” If just one strategic question is your goal, you’re likely to be able to do that without blocking calendar time or changing your schedule. You might decide to explore more. You might decide to write down your insights—but the idea is that if you only have time for one question… that’s all you’re required to do.
The Compound Effect of Small Changes
These small changes compound on one another. By choosing one strategic response until it becomes routine, then finding the next one, we move ourselves away from our previous reactive self. We’re also more apt to begin to identify differently. Soon, I will identify as someone who pauses before responding (which means I may naturally consider consequences before reacting in the future). Or I might change my thinking that I’m a strategic leader since that one question led to more sessions of strategic planning followed by better decision-making.
Your Strategic Action Plan
To effectively create sustainable leadership transformation, change tiny habits to align with a new professional identity over time. The small shifts today can make a tremendous difference tomorrow (and the day after). So, find one tiny improvement today—a little less reactivity, a little more strategic thinking—you choose. Tomorrow is improved, next month is better, and over time your new self will note the gains you have made and the new identity you have adopted step by step.
Remember: sustainable transformation isn’t about dramatic overhauls. It’s about strategic, consistent responses that compound over time. Small shifts can create lasting change when you approach them with intention and patience.
